As a young child just learning about the concept of death, I became very curious and even anxious about what might come “next” after this life on Earth. It never occurred to me to think that nothing would happen – but I was desperate to know what would come. Having been raised in a non-religious family but a predominantly Christian-based community, I had an understanding of what the Christian beliefs were, but I had no connection to them. I just knew, deep down, that something else was out there. And I wanted to know what.
When I was old enough to ride my bike to the public library, I often spent my free time there. I was an avid reader and I especially loved books about the unknown. Psychic powers, aliens and UFOs, ghosts, astral projection & OBEs, mysterious sites (pyramids, the Bermuda triangle, etc), near death experiences, past lives, whatever I could find, I would read! I was fascinated and driven to know more. I felt disappointed that I never had any experiences with ghosts and that I didn’t seem to have any psychic abilities.
What I did have, however, was the ability to remember my dreams nearly every morning. And on top of that, I had learned at a young age how to gain control in dreams. I didn’t know until I was older that this is known as lucid dreaming. Most of my dreams were lucid to some extent, some more than others. Sometimes things I saw in my dreams would “come true” the next day while awake! Nothing big – but interesting nonetheless. And though it was rare, there were dreams that felt different than all the others. They felt exactly like the waking world! This made me very curious about dreams and what the dream world might really be.
Enter Ra’el – My Guide, My “Other Half”
I don’t remember when I started believing we all have “guardian angels” or “guides”, but for as long as I can remember I felt this to be the case. And while I didn’t have any idea who mine was, I felt he existed. I somehow just knew it. I felt I had a “male side” that I was very close with. Like a spirit “on the other side”, that was male while I was the female here in a life. I often joked that he was the reason I was tomboy-ish, and would chalk up any male-like behaviours or actions to it being him. [Side note: This was the 1980’s in a small Christian-predominant city. We did not have the concept of gender being anything but male or female yet, sadly. So though many of my mannerisms were more likely due to me being more agender than anything else, I just blamed my guide/other half.]
Story time! One evening I was home alone (I was around 12 or so) and something came over me. I felt sad, lonely, and a bit scared. I don’t remember why exactly – all I remember is standing in our living room, crying and full of emotion. It was then that I felt him close to me in a way I never had before. I felt embraced, loved, cared for. And I knew without a doubt it was him and that he was always there.
For years I only knew him as “my guide”, “him”, or “my other side/half”. It wasn’t until I was nearly an adult that I had a dream that revealed his name. It was one of those nearly lucid dreams and he was there with me. We were working on something – though I could not remember what – and when I realized what was happening I asked his name. It was hard to understand – as things often are in dreams – but he carefully spelled it out so I could remember: Ra’el.
So, This is Me; This is Us
So who am I? I go by Cydonia online and I am an explorer of the unknown. I am a witch, a pagan, a dreamer, and an explorer. This journal is my way of laying down my thoughts, memories, ideas, and personal beliefs. And wherever I go, Ra’el is with me, so this is our chance to speak and share.
Thank you so much for being a part of this journey and I hope our words can help inspire you to explore your personal journey in this crazy world.
Love and Stardust,
Cydonia & Ra’el